So to continue of coming on here and talking mainly when I'm feeling at my lowest points. But I've been doing far to much thinking tonight. Not on Christmas or the great new years party I'm being taken to. But rather the unhealthy depression. I know I should be happy, everyone keeps telling me how I have the ideal situation going on right now. But right now all I can feel is how it's just more prof of being so completely unwanted. Which all things considering shouldn't be the logical thought to all of this....in fact I should feel more wanted more then ever. Hell it's not like I could handle any more then what I have right now, and since I am pretty sure I will be spending next year alone I should enjoy this while I still have it. I just hate knowing that more then likely I am nothing more then just this filler for not only one but two....until someone who is actually wanted is found. But I guess all this can be expected when you come to the realization that all affection is nothing more then a movement that can be reneged at any moment and love truly is nothing more then this word that has been perverted into some ugly lie. Which as you can tell this is all where my last writing piece has come from. Anyways I just needed to get those things out of me...I am about to head out to karaoke with my sister, mom, and Aaron and this is not the space where my head should be around them specially with alcohol. So Merry Christmas
- Mood:
Emotional - Listening to: Crazy Bitch
- Drinking: rum