Well we are at the last moments in 2008...funny it really doesn't feel any different then every other night I have spent sitting alone while the kids sleep.

But I guess I shall spend a min or two reviewing this past year.

The year started with the end of my marriage. Ash and I had a HUGE falling out. I discovered a ture friend with someone who has been around for the past four years, we just never realized how much we had in common. There have been a few friends who have basicly faised out of my life. While others have become so much stronger. Ash and I made our peace, and though it will never be the friendship it once was it is still a friendship all the same. I stood up in a wedding for a dear friend. I found myself on a family vacation in N.S. and P.E.I. I recived scary news that my father (who I am not close too) had a heart attack. Somewhere in the midst of all this I found a me that I never knew could exist. Then to come closer to the end of the year I met someone who made me smile (and I may I add the BEST first kiss EVER!!!!!). I have been deeply hurt this year, and I have enjoyed many moments with with friends and family. I have had sad times, and times filled with much joy. So all in all I think it wasn't exactly a good or a bad year, just a balanced one.

Anyways I guess thats all I really have to say tonight. And who knows I may acctually write again sometime in 2009.

Luvs and hugs Happy New Year!

Back again, yay for me. I'm not overly sure what to talk about yet since there has been so much going on in my head as of late. Part of it is just the depestion of the fall to winter season stuff, which we all know is a problem for me. The other part being that I suck and not sure what to do about it right now. I really do hate getting stuck in my own head so much. But I hate the idea of me being put onto something even more. Specialy since it could effect me keeping the kids. Honestly I don't think I could handle going through all of that over again.

I guess I am just really having a hard time dealing with who and what I really am. Right now I feel like anyone who tells me otherwise is just patranizing me so I will stop whinning, so they don't have to listen to it anymore. I guess this is how I am sapposed to feel though in the wake of knowlege. I mean I know I have no one else to blame but myself...but still it really hurts knowing the person you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with thought of you as just a fuck that he got trapped into "doing the right thing" for. Also knowing that they have always resented you for it just seems to make it worse. But once again I guess this is something I just have to accept. It is who I am and not a whole lot seems can be done about it. God does it suck knowing that your deprestion is just facts that won't go away.

Anyways that is just where I am right now. Sorry to have bored anyone who bothers to read this...have a good night.

ok so not that big of a deal, except YAY ME. I do how ever find it funny that I get more page views now when I'm not acctually doing anything then when I was very active with this account.

Now onto other news. I know I have been promising some form of an update for months now, but I suck and have difficulty writting a journal anymore. It is something I do need to work on. Even if I am doing it on a site I know no one will read it, it probabaly would be good for me. For example, with the big pile of bullshit between Ash and I through the spring and a chunk of the summer it may have helped to write it all down. Though now that things have cooled down and he is being less stupid I am rather glad I didn't write a bunch of mean spitful things even on here. Same with things with Mark. So who knows, maybe now that things have seemered down this would be the perfect time to write again.

Alright so now that I wasted all of your time with mindless ramblings I will leave you and do a real journal later. Come on, we all know I can't keep doing this forever

Luvs and hugs guys

In Nova Scotia at sister Nancy's right now. Just finished a wonderful lobster dinner, and polishing off yet another one of the bottles of wines "one of the few that Alvey and I didn't drink the other night LOL" I am hoping to give more details when I arrive back in Ontario but right now a bit too buzzed to type hahaha. Luv ya all.

Ok so my internet got cut off about a month ago. But this is ok. On the 12th of this month I will have it back again but in my name not his. Also with the internet I will have the home phone in my name which also means getting back my long distance. Soon after everything will be in my name for my house, which shouldn't be too bad considering I finally got the chance to pay off that fucking hydro bill from the shared apartment 4 years ago. Next will be Rodgers but it can wait a bit.

Custody has been mainly figured out. As of May 1st Mark will have his own place and the children will be with him for a week and then with me for a week. We will see how that goes and work from there.

Past my boring bullshit separation details (which there are lots of) much more has been happening with me. Though kids and work take up most of my time I still find time for other bullshit like dealing with my van getting hit right in front of a cop. Plus my freinds and even my mom keeping very close tabs on me, to make sure that I am alright. Things are rough but I am working through everything and will be fine again, so nothing to worry overly about.

Anyways Ash has put on a movie and I should probably go watch it. So luvs and hugs my specials.